Capacity to Nurture

First of all, baby number two has not yet arrived. The baby is 34 weeks in development now, which is the minimum I was hoping for before the baby arrives. We are happy about that. Mom has had lots of help from family friends and church. She is still looking forward to being able to eat and do things normally after the child gets here, but she's also happy to give the baby as much time as possible.

My awareness for nurturing is strong right now. When I hear someone say, "He was like a father to me." I  hear, "He nurtured me." When someone says, "She has always been there for me no matter what." I hear, "She nurtured me." It just seems to be a key concept in parenting, and friendships too, and it's at the forefront of my brain often.

Nurturing another child is intimidating to me. Last week I asked my dad how he nurtured seven children. I didn't want to know how to nurture little children, I think I learned that part by being nurtured by him when I was young. I wanted to know where he found strength to keep going.

Life is not easy right now. There were a lot of what I refer to as "meltdowns" in my house in 2013, and heck, there were meltdowns last week. I'd like to say that these meltdowns are all from the toddler, but it's the adults that are overwhelmed in our house much of the time. My wife and I have always had good days and bad days historically, but there is something about having a child that challenges us further. I think young children have a way of keeping adults at their emotional limit. Kids bring out the worst of me, and make me more in need to nurturing, and I think the same is true for Katie.

Facebook posts don't usually offer this perspective. Facebook captures the special moments of children with beautiful photos. Other people's kids seem so easy for them to nurture. My daughter does make me smile and laugh almost every day. But the truth is that I hold onto those moments and take beautiful photos of those moments because I'm trying to survive. Many days my only goal is to survive for the next five minutes, until nap time, or until bedtime.

My dad did give me some good advice, as did my brother who has three kids of his own, and a friend who also has 3 kids. They confirmed that my situation is normal, and that young kids do tend to push people to their limit. They also encouraged me take care of my self, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Practically speaking, they encouraged things like reading the Bible, listening to spiritual teaching, and taking 45 minute breaks away from the family to workout, or read, or do something for myself.

I am hopeful that I can and will be ready to nurture another child, but if you have any secrets to add to that list or just survival techniques, I'm all ears.

Finding Strength in Nurturing

Right now there is a lot going on in our house. We are preparing for the new baby. This means several tasks are underway, like getting our toddler into her new room, organizing baby clothes, and organizing the house. On top of this the toddler is sick and growing some mean canine teeth that seem to be causing her some grief.

On top of that, my wife has a new challenge for her second pregnancy, gestational diabetes, so she has to have a really strict diet until the baby arrives while testing her blood sugar five times a day. If you know my wife, you know that she is a picky eater and hates having strict rules about her food. Having a giant baby inside her belly isn't making the days go any smoother either.

My biggest question is this. How to I stay strong emotionally for this house?

This idea has been a key to helping me grow. I had never thought about nurturing my wife until October of this year. The responsibility for that had never actually occurred to me. I also hadn't thought about what nurturing means to me.

When my life feels out of control, like right now, the thing I need the most is nurturing. The thing my wife needs often is nurturing. What does nurturing look like to you? Have you thought about it at all?

For me, it's easiest to understand when I think about a child in a tough circumstance. Maybe she is being bullied, maybe she is sick, maybe somebody yelled at a boy and upset him. That's when I see the need for nurturing. They need empathy, understanding, some logic and a friend. When I think about a situation like that, I instantly know how to nurture.

I've started to become aware of my own need for nurture too. I've started to be aware of times when I feel like a teenager who just got beat up at school. I've started to recognize when my friends are nurturing, and what that looks like. It's really helpful to me to understand that. Hopefully it's a helpful concept to you too.