Nevermind, Forget it, It Doesn't Matter

Yesterday my wife said something to me, and when I didn't respond the way she wanted me to, she dismissed the topic by saying, "It doesn't matter." I'm not sure about your relationships, but when I hear this phrase it could mean a lot of things.

A. It could mean that it doesn't matter, because we have bigger fish to fry at the moment.
B. It could mean that it doesn't matter because she knows I wasn't listening the first time, and repeating herself isn't worth being understood on that topic.
C. It could mean something  I would want write a blog about. Here is that blog.

I am excited to say that I may have found the exact interpretation for phrases like these.

"Nevermind."

"It doesn't matter."

"Forget it."

"It's okay, don't worry about it."

"I don't care."

"Whatever."

"It's not a big deal."

"I'm over it."

"I'm sure it will work out okay."

I believe that these statements are usually a dismissal of something that a person really wants to say. They don't even come close to actually saying what the person means to say. They are completely inaccurate statement, but they slip into a lot of conversations anyway. As a matter of fact, I'm starting to ask the speaker immediately when I hear them because I truly want to understand what was intended.

You can see why this could be important in my marriage. Yesterday when my wife said, "It doesn't matter," that's not what she meant. I hesitated for a minute in the conversation with her. Then I asked, "Did you mean to say, 'I don't believe that you can understand how I feel right now?'" 

She thought about it. "Yes, that's what I meant." She said. It was a simple conversation, but I think it helped me to get some interpretation at the moment. I also think she was glad to be understood in that way.

I've also found a slight variation on the meaning, but it is similar. In other situations the speaker seems to be saying, "I don't even understand how I am feeling right now."

I am starting to keep an eye out for those little phrases, especially when I first say hello to people. "Hi, how are you doing?" I say, "Oh, good. We just have been (insert stressful situation), but it's no big deal. How are you guys?!"

With strangers or acquaintances I usually leave the statement alone, but with friends I'm starting to clarify what they mean. It seems to bring us closer together when I can understand what they are feeling, or they can understand it better.

Do with that what you will :)